Today ohhhh today....

Today was kind of a somber but bittersweet day for me. I thought about the passing of my grandfather this morning and how shocked and upset that the Lord would take him away from me so fast without me being able to say goodbye. Last year I felt like I lost a huge part of my life. I would always turn to my grandfather if times were tough and he was always good at giving me advice. This whole year I was upset because I felt the doctors could have done more to help him. I often go to sleep and wake up thinking about him and how I miss him so much. Sometimes when I'm driving and my kids talk about Pa I will just be sad and start to cry. I know the pain will continue but I know it will subside as the days come closer knowing that I can be with him again. Today I tried to go through the day as fast as possible and try to do things that would make me not think about the passing and I did good until I started writing and reading a wonderful note my husband wrote to me. I felt I needed to express my love for my grandfather because he is/was a very important part of my life. I am grateful for the gosple of Jesus Christ and that he is willing to let my family be together forever. I am grateful that I can be with my family forever. I never thought my life would be like how it is and I am so incredibly grateful for the trials that I have gone through because I feel it only makes me stronger in the end. I know that I am Jesus loves me and that He forgives me for the mistakes I have made. I am who I am and I can't change what I have done. I have a loving husband who takes care of me and is proud to be my husband. I love him with all that I have and all that I can give. I want him to know that and I want the whole blogosphere readers to know that. We struggle daily but I know that when I put my head on the pillow at night I know I have an eternal husband who loves me and will never judge me. I am proud to be a mother of three beautiful spiritual gifted children. I WILL always try to do my best to be a better mother. I know I have my faults and I loose patience with them but at night they are my precious angels sent from above. I always have to thank the missionaries for blessing me with the gospel. They are my light and love and I admire the sacrifice and love they have for the gospel. They have made my life a better life. YES YOU JEN since I know you are one of my blog readers ;) ;). In closing I love my life, I love who I am. I won't ever change who I am. I'm ME!

poem for my papa

Today I thought about you today I felt to say
Today I knew I missed you today you went away,
To live with Heavenly Father, to watch me as I live,
To teach my children how to love and care and teach them how to give.
Today I missed you as always when I cooked, and cleaned and played.
Today I thought about you each time I stopped and prayed.
Today I tried to make time fly as fast as it could be,
Today I was sad because you couldn't be with me.
Today I know you're up there smiling and telling me I'm doing just great.
Today I wish I could fish with you and you would help with putting on the bait.
You always did the dirty work and would always fix the boat. Even if it was sinking it would always come afloat. You helped me when you were healthy, you look so frail but so strong. Everytime you were working I would hear you hum a song. My memories of you are clear as clear as they can be. I just wish just for one more memory that you were here with me.
Today I closed my eyes, and saw your glowing face but then I have to remember you are in a special place. A place that is called Heaven, it's not so far above. I know that always and forever I will always feel your love.

~MAY~

As I sit and think about this month I think of what has happend in the past and what is to come. I am celebrating my 30th Birthday which I'm not sure how I feel about. I'm excited but was always hoping for something AWESOME to happen but feel it won't. We'll see! I think of my life and all the birthday parties I had growing up as a child and remembering what fun times I had. I think my most favorite was when we celebrated at the horsefarm and I was able to ride a horse. I always loved costume parties and would always try and get away with wearing my dance recital costume and have my mom yell at me because she didn't want it to get dirty before the recital day. I used to have scavenger hunts and play mother may I and wear cute dresses as a girl. Now that I'm older I just don't even know how to party! I had a good life. Now my little man is turning 6. He is the light of my life. He is everything that I ever wanted in my life. He tells me I'm beautiful, he tells me it will be ok, he'll even tell me if my shirt makes me look fat or my butt looks big. James is a special spirit sent from God. I never knew being a mother would change my life in so many ways. I try so hard to be the best I know I'm not I'm not even remotely close to being there but I try so hard and just want the best for my children. As we celebrate I am just grateful he is mine. I have such a testimony in motherhood if I don't in the gosple at least I have my motherhood. I know that God has sent this little man to me for so many reasons. He wants me to learn patience, understanding, honesty, trust. I'm proud of James and who he is becoming. I'm sad to be celebrating the passing of my grandfather this year but I love who he is and was and what he will be. He was my everything. I miss him everyday. I cry for him everyday. I know that one day I will be with him. I hope that oneday when I have the courage I can write more about him because he was such an amazing person and he accomplished so many things. I also love May because I love celebrating Memorial Day. A lot of my family members have served for our country and I am blessed to remember them and thank them for what they have done. We will also be moving soon and life has been crazy trying to pack and get ready. We aren't moving far but it's always a pain to just get up and move on again and again. I know one day we will find our home and make it our own but for now we keep renting and figure out our life and what we want to do.

James's concert

A few weeks ago James had his first program at school. It was awesome! The scenery and the way it was put together was excellent. I was very proud of him. Oh and please ignore my singing. The song is a bit catchy!

Update!!!!

Very exciting to say that I will be updating our blog with lots of color hopefully soon! Lot's of stuff going on and very exciting. Kids are on Spring break right now and we've been having a blast except for the fact I'm exausted! Well, must get going for I have to head to work and haven't even thought of preparing dinner soooo... Kids are probably snacking on whatever so yeah gotta go! Had a blast today at the Cosley Zoo though.

We "like to"

So, I was reading my friends blog and I thought this was something really fun to do so we'll see.
Enter your name in quotes with the words "likes to" in Google. i.e. "Judy likes to". Check out the first 10 finds. Do they accurately depict the things you like to do?

1. Judy likes to dance (yep)
2.Judy likes to read Anne-Rice books (who?)
3. Judy likes to play tennis (used to)
4.Judy likes to have a pen and a pencil when she takes notes or does class work (sometimes)
5.Judy likes to shop (when I have money)
6. judy likes to party (used to)
7.Judy likes to travel, read and ride horses. She is also teaching herself to paint and play the piano. (if I had money)
8.Judy likes to rally & play points with her students, using technique and sport psychology as her foundation (not so much)
9.Judy likes to take pictures at farmer's markets (if I'm at my moms)
10.Judy likes to have fun, and so do we!! (amen)

Jakes "likings"
1.Jake Likes to Play Games (some just not Monopoly)
2.Jake likes gravy more than me (it's a possibility)
3. Jake likes to characterize problems as “opportunities.” (sure)
4.Jake likes to take baths in the sink and doesn't mind the occasional misting. They are a joy to have around! (all the time)
5.Jake likes to do lots of things. (who doesn't)
6. Jake likes to talk handball strategy with fellow players and will yell at himself after missing an easy shot (Jake has NEVER played handball)
7.Jake likes to play around (which sometimes he does kind of get too rough)
8.Jake, likes to think of it as a game of Chess, mainly because they think of themselves as Knights in shinning armor, and their constituents (huh)
9.Jake likes to pretend he's James Bond in his own home. (yeah, it's kind of scary)
10.Jake likes to listen to Jack Johnson (we don't know him)

James
1. James likes to write about a child's interaction with nature and animals. (yes)
2.James likes to bring his own style of depression and gloom (no, he's very happy)
3.James Likes To Shoot Stuff (pretend)
4.James, "likes to look at very young girls but has never sexually touched a child. ... ( I want to delete this very much)
5.James likes to move it move it (constantly)
6.James likes to push (but knows he shouldn't)
7.James likes to disrupt play by sneaking into passing lanes and even blocks shots on occasion (he's not that advanced yet)
8.James likes to socialize and will use any excuse to celebrate with friends (ahhh yeah. WHERE'S THE CAKE?)
9. James likes to be there an hour before, at about 9 a.m., so he can stretch (run James go)
10.James likes to talk; so if you get him on the phone please ensure you turn the volume . ( ohhhh yeah)

Jaren
1.couches,Jaren likes to fall asleep on them. (sometimes)
2.Jaren likes to play and he is getting much better, but he gets tired quickly and he is much smaller than his teammates.(no, he never runs out of energy)
3.Law and Order,Jaren likes to watch while he eats his lunches (nope)
4.Jaren likes to joke that he isn't bisexual, he's just a "people person". (can I delete this one too?)
5. JAREN LIKES TO SKATE (yeah)
6.Jaren likes to take him to the "sixth level of pain (never)
7.Jaren likes to eat (certain foods)
8.Jaren likes to sleep in the cold (yeah, I agree)
9.Jaren likes to let his dog out of the kennel so he can go in (when we get a dog)
10.Jaren likes to flip around in the shorebreak (yeah, he likes water)

Sierra
1.Sierra likes to see the trains on the tracks, but mostly picks them up and examines them closely. (she is very strong)
2.Sierra likes to hang out at the laundromat and take off her clothes (in my laundromat)
3.Sierra likes to hunt, fish and blow things up when she's home in Montana. (maybe when she's older)
4.Sierra likes to jump off of high things and land on her knees (ouch)
5.Sierra likes to do reverse crunches (maybe when I'm not looking)
6.sierra likes to dance (oh yeah)
7.Sierra likes to see how low she can make her voice - it's entertaining (not yet)
8.Sierra likes to "line dance," and she wants to live out on some "property." (as do I)
9.Sierra likes to drive out to the horses(if we could find some I'm sure she would love to)
10.Sierra likes to read and play with her dog(when we get a dog)

Update

Well, it's been awhile since I've blogged and who knows if anyone ever looks at this thing anymore but I'll give you the rundown of our "simple life".
Granted my life was simple before it has become even more simple. Just trying to have fun and get by the days and not stressing out what has to be done around the house and just keeping happy.
I am loving my job at Gymboree. I just wish I could have more hours there. I am still loving my job as a full-time mom but it gets rough sometimes and it's nice to have somewhere to go to vent and have a social life.
James had pnemonia a last week and has been on the mend. He's been trying really hard at school and I pray everyday that he continues to do well. He's had his ups and downs and it worries me in the long run but with faith I know we will get through it.
Jaren and I had a fabulous few days down in Florida. It was such a short trip but we got to do so much. We saw alligators, and lots of birds. He really loved the beach and we got to do some shelling while we were there. We went to the Shell Factory and had a blast. Jaren loved feeding the ducks and enjoyed riding on some of the rides. He loved being with his great grandma and they did a LOT of snuggling which he loves and she loves just as much. It just seemed like a piece of my happiness was missing. My Papa... Ohhh how I miss him!
Sierra is growing so fast I can't believe it! She's in her big girl bed and had one bad night but she is doing so great! She is talking like crazy.
Jake is enjoying his job still and continues to do a great job.