~MAY~

As I sit and think about this month I think of what has happend in the past and what is to come. I am celebrating my 30th Birthday which I'm not sure how I feel about. I'm excited but was always hoping for something AWESOME to happen but feel it won't. We'll see! I think of my life and all the birthday parties I had growing up as a child and remembering what fun times I had. I think my most favorite was when we celebrated at the horsefarm and I was able to ride a horse. I always loved costume parties and would always try and get away with wearing my dance recital costume and have my mom yell at me because she didn't want it to get dirty before the recital day. I used to have scavenger hunts and play mother may I and wear cute dresses as a girl. Now that I'm older I just don't even know how to party! I had a good life. Now my little man is turning 6. He is the light of my life. He is everything that I ever wanted in my life. He tells me I'm beautiful, he tells me it will be ok, he'll even tell me if my shirt makes me look fat or my butt looks big. James is a special spirit sent from God. I never knew being a mother would change my life in so many ways. I try so hard to be the best I know I'm not I'm not even remotely close to being there but I try so hard and just want the best for my children. As we celebrate I am just grateful he is mine. I have such a testimony in motherhood if I don't in the gosple at least I have my motherhood. I know that God has sent this little man to me for so many reasons. He wants me to learn patience, understanding, honesty, trust. I'm proud of James and who he is becoming. I'm sad to be celebrating the passing of my grandfather this year but I love who he is and was and what he will be. He was my everything. I miss him everyday. I cry for him everyday. I know that one day I will be with him. I hope that oneday when I have the courage I can write more about him because he was such an amazing person and he accomplished so many things. I also love May because I love celebrating Memorial Day. A lot of my family members have served for our country and I am blessed to remember them and thank them for what they have done. We will also be moving soon and life has been crazy trying to pack and get ready. We aren't moving far but it's always a pain to just get up and move on again and again. I know one day we will find our home and make it our own but for now we keep renting and figure out our life and what we want to do.